What Quitting Drinking Taught Me (While it Lasted)

What Quitting Drinking Taught Me (While it Lasted)

 

Three years ago, I quit drinking because I was an idiot. I’m not an alcoholic. I don’t need alcohol. I just enjoy having a drink. But I had to go through this process to learn that. 

 

A buddy of mine and I finished off a full bottle of whiskey in less than two hours while our wives chatted and the kids played. I don’t remember the ride home, just the next day when my wife told me that I was the biggest asshole the world had ever known.

 

A month later at a family bar-b-que, I drank so much scotch on a Sunday that I got a migraine headache. Then I decided to shock my liver by slamming 1000 mgs of Tylenol. I awoke an hour later on my parents’ couch and realized I was thirsty. I made a drink and sat down on the back porch with everyone. They asked how I was feeling. I laughed and said I was ready for another drink. I noticed my wife and my dad and my brother give each other furtive, nervous glances. Even in my haze that moment was extremely embarrassing.

 

In the summer of 2015, I quit drinking. I thought it was for life. I lasted 20 months. I chose to start again, albeit very differently. I’ll tell you why under the Top Ten below.

 

If you’re thinking about quitting drinking or you have recently quit drinking, read this post.

 

I’m not a mental health professional, I’m not a counselor, I’m not a recovery specialist. I’m just a dude that didn’t drink for a long damn time and learned some valuable stuff.

 

Also, IF (that’s a big damn “IF”) you are in SERIOUS trouble or recovery or have alcohol substance abuse issues, don’t rely on this post alone. PLEASE get the right treatment and keep doing the aftercare, AA/NA, groups, sponsor, all of it. Society wants to see you succeed.

 

What did I learn? Here’s my Top Ten in random order:

 

• I learned I’m not an alcoholic. I just have the capacity to drink a lot. Read this link: Any of these apply to you? My drinking doesn’t chronically affect my marriage, my parenting, or my job. I don’t crave it at work or hide alcohol places. Was I overdoing it a bit back in 2015? Yep. But I learned to control it better, so it was the wake-up call I needed.
• The first time you go to a social function or engage in an activity where you used to swig ‘em down, put something non-alcoholic in your hand. A friend of mine recommended sparkling water and some sort of fruit juice with it. If you have serious issues, avoid the “non-alcoholic” drinks; they aren’t completely alcohol free. Try a soda.
• The term “dry drunk” is very real. There is no way to get through this other than to make sure everyone close to you understands what “dry drunk” means and how it will affect all your lives. I highly recommend a counselor. I’m not kidding. You will be negotiating the perils of life without a safety-net to numb you to the pain of life. It’s. Hard. 
• Expect everyone to look at you funny when you tell them you quit drinking. Expect many of those people to start avoiding you and to stop inviting you to things. Your choice will make people uncomfortable. Don’t let that deter you.
• Your senses will improve. You’ll see, hear, taste, touch, and feel the world more clearly. You’ll be like Louis in Interview with a Vampire, seeing for the first time with your “alcohol-free eyes”.
• Your brain and mind will operate more clearly than you can imagine. The fog is gone. Things make more sense. Your reaction times will be faster. I sang better and played better as a musician.
• It won’t fix all your problems. Quitting drinking is not a miracle cure for life. It may help you live a healthier life in all respects, but you won’t be cured of anything. That’s up to you.
• Your behaviors and life patterns will change. If you really don’t want to drink anymore, you will consciously avoid behaviors that encourage drinking. Your true desires and wants will expose themselves because you’ll be making choices completely sober.
• Once you get past the “dry drunk” phase, you’ll be nicer to people. You’ll think more before you speak.
• You will hate not drinking when your loved ones do it around you or you’re trying to date. Remember, this is YOUR choice. You can’t force your spouse or your extended family or friends or dating relationships to live life the way you’re living it. If you can’t handle that, think again about what you’re doing or how you’re doing it. Maybe get professional help; there’s no shame in that.

 

With all these benefits, why did I start back up? Look at the last bullet-point again. In February of 2017, I was sitting at Valentine’s dinner with my wife. She ordered a big fruity alcoholic drink. I ordered my virgin drink and then wondered to myself, “Why have I self-imposed this prison?”

 

I just want to sit here and enjoy a drink with my wife. And because of my own proclamation, I can’t.

 

That’s when I knew that I was ready. Abstaining from alcohol taught me how to control myself. How? Because I knew that if I could go 20 months without a drop, I could drink a few drinks without overdoing it.

 

Shortly before my 40^thbirthday, I made my first drink in 20 months. It was an old-fashioned, done up Don Draper-style. I stared at it for 20 minutes until it was watered down. Then I poured it out.

 

Five minutes later I made another one and drained it instantly. It’s been a year. I haven’t had any more drunk episodes that resulted in anyone being upset with me or me forgetting what I did. Pretty smooth sailing in that regard.

 

Maybe you need to quit forever. Maybe your journey is to walk away from alcohol and never look back again.

 

That wasn’t my journey. Quitting alcohol for 20 months taught me that I don’t need to drink to be me. I don’t need to drink to have a good time.

 

I enjoy drinking responsibly.

 

What does your journey look like? What sort of questions do you need to be asking yourself?

 

Thank you for stopping in.

RJF

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